Ella Flotildes: A Thousand Miles of Sacrifice and Ten Thousand Miles of Dreams by Veronica Vaughan

“I want to talk about being a single mother,” Ella Flotildes said as she sits across the table from me.

“As a little girl I never dreamed about getting married,” she said, lifting her elbow onto the table. “I dreamed of becoming a teacher, of seeing the world, and of going to America.”

The rain taps the window as the smell of Filipina-style roasted pork steams up the kitchen in her one-bedroom, temporary apartment. To my excitement, but not surprise, she was preparing a full-course meal to celebrate the end of her first interview.

Ella gleams with adoration as she swipes through photos of her only child, Yshe.

In the center of Isabela, an island in the north of the Philippines, Ella spent her early college years in Santiago City, studying to become a teacher after being inspired by her brother-in-law who taught the 7th grade. The Santiago streets were filled with Filipino-style barbeque, a smell so striking, she can still sense it today. Besides the bustling inland city life, she spent her time with friends, hopping from room to room in their shared apartment complex. Amongst these new friends was an 18-year-old male dancer who captured the eyes of Ella and eventually became her first love.

Ella was young and thinking about her world as her own and not of a world she had yet desired to share with another person. However, after Michael and Ella went to see Notting Hill, her opinions on marriage began to shift. Two years into their relationship a surprise happened when Ella became pregnant.

“I was so scared,” she says in a rushed breath. “Because of the responsibility, I was too young to have kids.”

In less than four months after breaking the news to their families, a wedding was conducted. Adult life began as student life came to a halt. Both Michael and Ella dropped out of school without finishing their degrees to find jobs to support their new family.

“The lesson is, you have to control yourself,” Ella said. She later explained that during these fourth months, she found pride in her ability to be independent and find strength in strange places.

At 21-years-old, Ella gave birth to Yshe and almost immediately the infant went into the care of Ella’s mother. As Michael and Ella’s admiration for their baby flourished, their relationship with each other quickly began to disintegrate. So much so, in 2006 Ella moved to Hong Kong by herself to pursue a high-paying job opportunity. Despite Ella’s four-year-old daughter being separated from her, she knew she had to take the job to be able to financially support her family at home.

“If you live in the Philippines, it is very difficult to provide things, for yourself or for your family.”

Her new job allowed her to be entirely self-sufficient and fulfill one of her recent dreams: to build her own home. In 2010, the dream house was finished in a small province in the Philippines. Only visiting once every two years, Ella remained in Hong Kong as the home was inhabited by her daughter and husband.

Ella explained that 2012-2013 were difficult years, “when me and my husband had problems.” The tension between them was strengthened to a sharp knife and cut any future of reconciliation in half. However, the bonds to their child kept them together by the legalities of marriage.

By the end of the dreadful year of 2013, Ella received a phone call one early morning from her eleven-year-old daughter explaining that Michael had committed suicide.

Michael had been living a double life during the years his wife was in Hong Kong. Yshe, being prime witness to his childish behaviors.

“Yshe told me that her dad had passed away, and she kept going to school,” Ella said.

Ella swiftly returned home, trying to force herself to cry, but was stopped by the fierce upset Michael had caused her, “my heart felt so hard,” Ella recalls.

Still residing in Hong Kong, the tone of the room brightens when Ella tells her tales of visiting Ocean Park, Disney, and Macau with Yshe in the years following her husband’s death.

Ella stands up to flip over the simmering pork. She pours a glass of water.

In 2018 a wind of opportunity pushed Ella to move to Seoul, Korea to work as a cook for the Embassy of Kazakhstan. The timing was impeccable as Yshe was on the verge of going to college.

Yshe quickly grew into a woman as her emotions simultaneously heightened. Bickering between Ella and Yshe became routine as Yshe expressed the desire to become a teacher while Ella wanted her to attain a four-year degree that could provide her with a high-paying job.

“In the Philippines, you can go to college if you have money,” Ella said in a matter-of-fact tone.

This decision for Yshe to attend college was far more than to widen Yshe’s future job opportunities but to steer her away from the life-altering decisions Ella made only a generation ago. Finding a job, any job, was not up for question when it came to supporting her daughter’s future, “I used up all my savings and I grabbed the opportunity to support my daughter’s university.”

Before arriving in Seoul, Ella had dreamed of visiting and had been denied a visa several times. She attempted to tag along with a church group that she was not a part of to try and snag an entry. After another unsuccessful attempt, miraculously two months later, she was offered the job.

Living in Korea was not only financially transformative for Ella but spiritually. At 37, she became enthralled with Christianity, supported by a group of other Filipino expats.

“I lived in Seoul for one week less than five years,” Ella recalls with a slight smile. Besides Yshe’s claim of lacking math skills, Ella’s support and encouragement led Yshe to pursue medical technology. “During her technology [courses] for four years, we always argued.” Despite Yshe being on a straight path into the medical field, she still longed to become a chef, mirroring her mother’s footsteps. 

Looking back on Yshe’s 22 years of life, Ella’s biggest challenge was being financially equipped to fund her daughter’s education. However, despite the constant struggle, she feels confident in saying she did it without Michael’s help.

Being a single mother has strengthened her relationship with her daughter, “she’s now like my friend,” Ella says, falling back into her chair. 

“I am strong. Strong in every situation,” Ella leans forward, “and Yshe is strong, yes, and independent.”

Now, residing in the Czech Republic to continue her work for the Kazakh embassy, she talks with Yshe every day over facetime. It has now been two years since she has seen Yshe in person, surrounded by the familiar smells of the Philippines.

The two women have shared the same dream of becoming a teacher, which recently evolved into the dream of becoming a chef. For them, cooking is a goal that transcends the bounds of a phone screen. They further communicate through their love for cooking by sending recipes to each other, attempting to recreate the dish, and connecting over the aroma and flavors.

In many ways, Ella has fulfilled her goal of becoming a teacher; a teacher of a single student over the span of 22 years. Now, Ella and Yshe’s dreams have merged and continued to take them over the Pacific Ocean, with plans to open a coffee shop decorated with desserts from around the world.